Grantchester Meadows

In the lazy water meadow
I lay me down
All around me
Golden sunflakes covering the ground
Basking in the sunshine of a by gone afternoon
Bringing sounds of yesterday into my city room

Day 5 in bed. Now I could move, without that awful pain.. well, nearly. But during these days the bed became too extremely comfortable. It's hard to get up now, I dont want to get up anymore. If my bed was a transformer it would transform itself into a coffin. The corpse is already there...

Death related "jokes" are always fun, right?

It's a not a serious thing, at least. I think. It might be, for some people, but should I even care since I am dead by when they are sad? ... who they? There is no one. Well well. Back to fucked reality. Therapist mentioned again I might have a little problem called severe depression (really, hes fucking genius) but nothing is gonna be done yet. He's a good guy. I guess thats coz he knows nothing about me. Now we'll just wait and see what kinda drugs I will get next. Ah, life is exciting.

Gonna have a show on Saturday. People will love us, they will love me. Maybe I'll just fuck up the whole thing, lets spice things up a little bit!

Laughing as it passes through the endless summer making for the sea

Sysyphus

(instrumental)

Hey guys... Hey everyone. Hey you, I'm not feeling too awesome. I can barely move. I could faint any moment. I feel so sick. This room stinks. There is this.. window but I'm not even bothered to go and open it. It would hurt too much, just getting up and walking is fucking pain. I could call my lovely dealer over and lets-shoot-up-til-we're-both-numb but I dont know. Maybe later.

Well, thats all I have to say for now. I guess it's good to know I'm still alive. While I still am.

Jugband Blues

It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here
And I'm much obliged to you for making it clear
That I'm not here
 
And I never knew the moon could be so big
And I never knew the moon could be so blue
And I'm grateful that you threw away my old shoes
And brought me here instead dressed in red
And I'm wondering who could be writing this song...

I don't care if the sun don't shine!
And I don't care if nothing is mine!
And I don't care if I'm nervous with you
I'll do my loving in the winter
 
And the sea isn't green
And I love the queen
And what exactly is a dream
And what exactly is a joke?

See-Saw

Picking up weeds, she hasn't got the time to care
All can see he's not there 

Maybe love is overrated. Maybe it's just.. shit, too hard, not for everyone. And yes I mean love between people, that kind of love that changes your world, turns it all around. Or at least should. Geez, I shouldnt be in a relationship anymore. If I call her one more time and tell her to break up with me? It's not normal to fight about the same things every time. If we arent getting anywhere already then what about future? It's just gonna make us hate each other. Unless she already does. Please, please, paranoia, but I think I am right this time.

I cant believe she might be with that guy even now. Thats shit. I'm jealous as hell. He's destroying my life, stealing my girl and... well, talking to me. Thats not good for my state of mind. Again. And another thing making me feel great envy... One other girl told me about eating ice cream with friends after school. It was sunny all day and they were having a good time. Maybe sitting here in darkness with needles and shit around me just isnt the best place for healthy feelings. Maybe I should get the fuck out of this place.

But, as usual, I dont wanna face anyone. I dont wanna go out and let people see this beaten face. I dont wanna see her. I can apologise and ask are we okay now but we arent. Maybe I should stop asking her to break up with me and simply do it myself. Force myself to tell her, its not working. I think everyone would be happier... I think. I wouldnt, but lets be honest: when have I last been any happy?

Yea, exactly. I dont even know. I have a death wish.

He doesn't know so then
She goes up while he goes down, down

A Saucerful of Secrets

(instrumental)

What the hell have I been writing here? Seriously? No one gives a damn.. no one gives a damn... So far, I havent gotten any richer yet. I'm kind of disappointed. But scared too. People are getting way too pervert again.

- She isnt going to the prom with me. I know it now and it drives me crazy. What the hell is this supposed to mean? That she goes with that Someone Else, that she prefers some friendzoned guy? ... is he friendzoned at all? What is he to her? What do I mean for her? Maybe she wants to leave me but she cant, for several reasons: I cant stand being left. She might feel like she HAS to stay with me because of what I do.

or I dont know. It's all bullshit. Just like this text. Man, this is real improvising. Nothing makes sense and everything sounds shitty.

- I'm sexy but I didnt know it before.

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear not-me, happy birthday to you!

Shit, shit, shit...

I'm gonna sell Pink Floyd. Dont hate me, Rogers.