Chapter 24

Things cannot be destroyed once and for all

Or can they? I dont even believe that anymore. I've been given too many chances compared to the things I've done, none of them destroyed anything once and for all. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by people that are better than I am in all possible ways. They treat me well enough when I'm being a complete motherfucker, a few good examples of that:

It's Valentine's Day and I have promised my girlfriend to stay sober for this one day. She knows how big deal it is for me and I make her so happy when I promise I will do it, we have a great day and spend the night at her home, watching tv, talking, just having good time... I'm so strung out and cant handle it. I have come up with a great plan. I go get high in the bathroom, just fast, and no one will be wiser. Could I have been more wrong? After 10 minutes of nothing happening she understands whats going on. She's nearly crying and saying: "Syd, come here, I wanna talk to you. I know you're high. You shouldnt have promised anything. Why did I even try to trust you?"

It's not the first time but still, she hasnt broken up with me. Not even mentioned a word about that.

The day before yesterday I'm fighting with Michael as always. We do that every night. I shouldn't go out late at night anymore, he has been saying since he decided to become a father for real. And we fight and fight and fight about that. I eventually hit him. I've never ever done that before. He would never hurt me. In fact, what he says is that he wants to help me the best he could and make my life as good as possible, but someone needs to take care of me. Thats him, thats him.

And I cry and yell and scream and hit and kick and crawl and dont bother to apologise. Thats me, thats me

A movement is accomplished in six stages
And the seventh brings return
The seven is the number of the young light
It forms when darkness is increased by one
Change returns success
Going and coming without error
Action brings good fortune
Sunset
Sunrise